Arm Box
Sometimes I want to rip my arms off. I'm serious. If some guy in a cloak came to me in the middle of the night and offered to take my arms off, I would probably let him. I usually like my arms, but at night, sometimes, I want to be armless and round...like a marble.
Most days my arms are cool. They are mine and I've had them for 30 years. They usually do what I say. My arms are awesome actually. They get me things like coffee, twinkies, pieces of paper, etc, and they work pretty well. But sometimes around the 2am hour when I am trying to sleep they just get in the way. It's like I am noticing my arms for the first time. And at this point they aren't friendly anymore. The arms who used to get me stuff. They are all over the place and it is like sleeping with two logs attached to my shoulders. Evil twin logs who want nothing more than to ruin my life. I want to rip them off and stuff them under the bed. Or at least be able to detach them and put them in a box or something…for the morning. And my wife never seems to have this problem. It's always just me, the cat, and like 2 or 3am on the O' clock.
So the other night I was trying to sleep on my side but my one arm was not working with me. It was so irritating. I ended up getting out of bed and eating cereal. At this point I found I just have to wait out the arms. If I don't then I end up crying out of frustration. Fucking arms.
And I try to sleep in the most ridiculous positions: I put both arms above my head. Doesn't work. I try stuffing one arm under a pillow. Doesn't work. I try to put both arms in front. Doesn't work. Next move: exit bed, eat cereal, cry, and think about ripping my arms off. To sleep a delicious slumber as a stump.
Fucking arms.
Arms are stupid. Even the name "Arm" is dumb.
I wish I had detacheable arms and could put them in a box under the bed.
Most days my arms are cool. They are mine and I've had them for 30 years. They usually do what I say. My arms are awesome actually. They get me things like coffee, twinkies, pieces of paper, etc, and they work pretty well. But sometimes around the 2am hour when I am trying to sleep they just get in the way. It's like I am noticing my arms for the first time. And at this point they aren't friendly anymore. The arms who used to get me stuff. They are all over the place and it is like sleeping with two logs attached to my shoulders. Evil twin logs who want nothing more than to ruin my life. I want to rip them off and stuff them under the bed. Or at least be able to detach them and put them in a box or something…for the morning. And my wife never seems to have this problem. It's always just me, the cat, and like 2 or 3am on the O' clock.
So the other night I was trying to sleep on my side but my one arm was not working with me. It was so irritating. I ended up getting out of bed and eating cereal. At this point I found I just have to wait out the arms. If I don't then I end up crying out of frustration. Fucking arms.
And I try to sleep in the most ridiculous positions: I put both arms above my head. Doesn't work. I try stuffing one arm under a pillow. Doesn't work. I try to put both arms in front. Doesn't work. Next move: exit bed, eat cereal, cry, and think about ripping my arms off. To sleep a delicious slumber as a stump.
Fucking arms.
Arms are stupid. Even the name "Arm" is dumb.
I wish I had detacheable arms and could put them in a box under the bed.
