Falling to Earth
This isn't going to be a lame entry about fate, love, or any of that other non-scientific stuff. No way! This is all about Madonna nearly getting the chance to go to the moon via Russian space craft. Seems the chance is still open, only she will have to wait a few years.
The headline from Russian News and Information Agency reads:
Madonna could be sent into space in 2009.
I can't have that. I can't have Madonna just leave us for space. She already left us for London, now she wants to orbit the earth? No way. I have been through some seriously tough times in my 30 years. I watched as she went from "lucky star" to "borderline" to the jarring "material girl" bit which only proved less jarring by the "papa dont preach" bit which was only proved a little less jarring by the video for "live to tell" from the 1986 epic picture "at close range" where I think she wore a Laura Ashley dress and it messed with my 10 year old sensibilities so badly. I forgot all about lucky star and shit.
Maybe she should go to the moon. I mean, after all, she is in great shape. And she could do a lot for the moon and its people. As of right now, we go to space a lot, and the Russians do too. They have to, I think. After all, they are constantly living in the shadow of space dogs like Dezik and Tsygan who are really awesome space dogs! They rock and they know it. Part of their problem became the ego, but that is for another story. These dogs are wicked cause they withstood some serious shit. I mean, space travel is not as easy as you think it is. For instance, wikipedia gives a pretty good example of how badass these dogs are. Check this out:
"Their training included standing still for long periods of time, wearing space suits, being placed in simulators that acted like a rocket during launch, riding in centrifuges that simulated the high acceleration of a rocket launch and being kept in progressively smaller cages to prepare them for the confines of the space capsules. Dogs that flew in orbit were fed a nutritious gel."
I bet that Gel they ate was the best! I wonder what color it was? I love these dogs. They eat gel and shit and stand for long periods of time. That's awesome!
But we go to space a lot too. We go up there all the time and fix stuff. We don't do much else up there but tinker around. Sometimes they go up there to fix the space station, and sometimes they just tinker around with the shuttle itself cause whenever that thing goes real fast things start to fall off of it. And so they patch it up and then when they are done they get online and send messages back to the CBS evening news. They wave a lot too, and it all looks like some serious space shit. They are really smart. And they pee in their pants! I love that. I wish I could do that. I can see why planets get changed and stuff. It gets really techincal in space.
I guess Madonna going up there wouldn't be the worst thing. I mean, she could come home and make a movie about it. And, her dude husband could make a really interesting movie about it too cause that is what he does, and maybe Brad Pitt could be in it? He could play Angelina Jolie's husband, and fly fish in a river or something. That would be really emotional and cool. Crying is cool when it involves movies and space. But I dont think they can cry in space cause there is no oxygen so there are no tears; and if you did cry in heaven they would float off your face anyway so it doesn't even matter about it.
At the end of the day I guess I am just jealous. I want to pee my pants in space and hang out with dogs and stuff. I want to be a hero like that. Space is cool as hell.
The headline from Russian News and Information Agency reads:
Madonna could be sent into space in 2009.
I can't have that. I can't have Madonna just leave us for space. She already left us for London, now she wants to orbit the earth? No way. I have been through some seriously tough times in my 30 years. I watched as she went from "lucky star" to "borderline" to the jarring "material girl" bit which only proved less jarring by the "papa dont preach" bit which was only proved a little less jarring by the video for "live to tell" from the 1986 epic picture "at close range" where I think she wore a Laura Ashley dress and it messed with my 10 year old sensibilities so badly. I forgot all about lucky star and shit.
Maybe she should go to the moon. I mean, after all, she is in great shape. And she could do a lot for the moon and its people. As of right now, we go to space a lot, and the Russians do too. They have to, I think. After all, they are constantly living in the shadow of space dogs like Dezik and Tsygan who are really awesome space dogs! They rock and they know it. Part of their problem became the ego, but that is for another story. These dogs are wicked cause they withstood some serious shit. I mean, space travel is not as easy as you think it is. For instance, wikipedia gives a pretty good example of how badass these dogs are. Check this out:
"Their training included standing still for long periods of time, wearing space suits, being placed in simulators that acted like a rocket during launch, riding in centrifuges that simulated the high acceleration of a rocket launch and being kept in progressively smaller cages to prepare them for the confines of the space capsules. Dogs that flew in orbit were fed a nutritious gel."
I bet that Gel they ate was the best! I wonder what color it was? I love these dogs. They eat gel and shit and stand for long periods of time. That's awesome!
But we go to space a lot too. We go up there all the time and fix stuff. We don't do much else up there but tinker around. Sometimes they go up there to fix the space station, and sometimes they just tinker around with the shuttle itself cause whenever that thing goes real fast things start to fall off of it. And so they patch it up and then when they are done they get online and send messages back to the CBS evening news. They wave a lot too, and it all looks like some serious space shit. They are really smart. And they pee in their pants! I love that. I wish I could do that. I can see why planets get changed and stuff. It gets really techincal in space.
I guess Madonna going up there wouldn't be the worst thing. I mean, she could come home and make a movie about it. And, her dude husband could make a really interesting movie about it too cause that is what he does, and maybe Brad Pitt could be in it? He could play Angelina Jolie's husband, and fly fish in a river or something. That would be really emotional and cool. Crying is cool when it involves movies and space. But I dont think they can cry in space cause there is no oxygen so there are no tears; and if you did cry in heaven they would float off your face anyway so it doesn't even matter about it.
At the end of the day I guess I am just jealous. I want to pee my pants in space and hang out with dogs and stuff. I want to be a hero like that. Space is cool as hell.
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